My grandfather is expiring in the next few weeks to terminal liver cancer. There is nothing they can do except to wait and try to make him comfortable.



I have never had someone close to me die before. needless to say, i've been crying a lot thinking about it. I imagine that this is a sneak preview of things to come: losing those i love the most and being very sad.



i know that this is a part of life that we all will have to deal with.



so every spare moment that i have (which as been pretty much every day after work) I am spending with my grandfather and grandmother.



2 years ago i sat down with them and a tape recorder and recorded a conversation journaling all of the places they've lived and all they've done. both my grandfather and grandmother were in the air force (he flew in ww2 and korea) so i wanted a sort of history of what they'd seen and done.



recent events reminded me that i needed to finish this project before my "sources expired". So i've been working on that as well.



on a funny note, Lara witnessed an exchange yesterday evening in the posh nursing home in which my grandparents live.



a couple in the lobby sitting on a couch together in sight of the windowed exits

old woman: i just realized that i don't think that i've told you today that i love you.

old man: you still get mad at me

old woman: that's true, but that doesn't mean i don't love you.

old man: yes it does.

old woman: look at all the traffic out there!! it's just pilled up!



it's this sort of exchange that makes me look forward to getting older.